Why didn't I think of that?

So, there's been a turn of events.

My previous diet was not working out too well for me. So we're trying something new.

My sister and I were talking about what I can and can't eat. I listed off the usual I'm-in-a-flareup diet: No meat, dairy, eggs, grains, cruciferous vegetables, and raw vegetables. She asked why I can't eat cruciferous vegetables. I told her they have sulfur as do all the other foods.
"So what other foods have sulfur?" she asks as she pulls out her phone. I thought "That's a good question. Surprisingly obvious question. Why didn't I think of that?"
We find a couple charts and there's all these connections like
melons are low in sulfur
chicken liver is low in sulfur
fatty foods are low in sulfur
peppers are high in sulfur
soy is high in sulfur

So that was interesting. I think a low sulfur diet might be the thing. This feel weird to put into writing because I've had this thought about multiple diets.

Anywho, this is what I'm noticing:

I've been eating vegan tapioca pudding, roasted yam, baked apple, and coconut water. All those feel good. Also I've been drinking store-bought almond milk (unsweetened choc/vannila) with maple syrup. That feels okay.

I've eaten fresh apples, fresh apricots, and a peach. That didn't feel good. Peanut butter does not feel good.

I'm being careful to not eat too much pate or almonds/almond butter.
I think I'm gonna try the elimination diet, maybe.

I ate chicken, rice and white yams last night. I ate a moderate amount and it felt okay. No need to use the loo.

I think proportion is a large part of this balance.

I want to be watchful of meat, eggs, nuts, and grains. Because those are awesome and I do need them. Just in small amounts. Erm, beans? chocolate?

I don't need cruciferous vegetables or dairy.

I need to find recipes that contain a low amount of sulfur. Apparently vegetables/fruit that are cooked have less sulfur.

Really, it's just... it's playing it by ear.

I'm still bleeding but I'm only going to the loo 0 - 2 times a day. Sometimes the stool is formed-ish. Bowel movements are not so urgent.

My body feels really great right now :)

Frustrations of a sickie

I hate being seen as a sickie.

If my diet is brought up, I am nonchalant in my explanation of why my diet doesn't include soy, fruit, or grains. 
Oh, I have Ulcerative Colitis. It's where you get ulcers in the colon. Yeah, it can be debilitating and hard. But y'know, such is life. And I'm getting better, so that feels lovely. *Smile* 

They ask

"But what do you eat??"

I usually laugh at their baffled facial expression.
Um, a lot of sauteed vegetables and squash.

My doctor delivered two pieces of news last week:
First, the test that she ran, the one that tests what foods people are intolerant to, the one that says my body does not tolerate fruit, soy or the combination of grain and sugar--
Apparently it's for life.
I don't want to go to social events and not be able to eat the food then feel compelled to explain that I don't mean to be rude. 
I don't want to ask the waiter if they can make sure that the pan is cleaned to make sure olive oil doesn't contaminate the fish cooked in butter.

And then I asked why I'm getting red spots on my legs that look like burst blood vessels and why I have a discoloration next to my lip. She says

"Oh, yeah that's not good. It's a sign of being nutrient deficient. Go to Pharmaca and pick up this multivitamin. Also, eat more green vegetables, not just carrots."

Oh. Okay. I thought that I might have a lack of nutrients maybe.
I left the office and walked to bart. Processing.
I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be nutrient deficient in AMERICA. THIS IS SO STUPID. ARRRGH. I don't have a BLOODY well balanced diet? REALLY?
Wait, wait. So, if getting all the nutrients is a necessary part of living, I have to work this new aspect into my diet TOO?!! Like I don't have enough dietary parameters?!!!

That was a week ago. I've been roiling. I tried to eat more fresh greens but I didn't see much difference.

Yesterday, I had my first cheat day.
I relished chocolate's creaminess, and softness and sweetness, I delighted in eating too much chocolate and feeling my tummy say "Woah, relax there for a few minutes." Literally, I ate chocolate, honey n sesame covered almonds, carrots from the farmers market, salted almonds, and cheese. It felt so good to let go and feel joyful in food. I finally got to relax for the first time since August and a lot longer than that. I haven't relaxed about food since... since my first semester of college, when I ate slices of cheddar cheese and hunks of cheap french bread because I figured, if everything hurt, I might as well eat anything I wanted.
.
But today, there's this bitterness and resentment that makes me want to yell at anyone who gives me a funny look-
WHAT?! This diet is causing a lack of nutrients! So I'm gonna do what I want! And yeah, it might not actually be the diet's fault but right now it is. 

There's this desire for revenge. To make myself feel better for the months of following my diet strictly. My lack of nutrients come out through my skin is like a slap. Like, WHAT? I WORKED THIS HARD AND IT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH? and my upper lip bounces up and curls as I find myself baring my teeth snarling with my words.
The idea that I have to incorporate balance into this game makes me want to quit. Because I don't even know if it is possible without fruit. Can multivitamins really do a sufficient job? And I don't even know what a balanced diet looks like. Everyone has all these different ideas about health, and it's SO STUPID. Because so many of them are so not okay for my body. The 4hr Body diet, the Paleo diet, the government Food Plate, none of them are long term sustainable diets for me.
I don't know what diet is sustainable for me. Food is so complicated I don't even want to think about it. I just want to eat everything. I want to eat nothing. Nothing is safer. Nothing would be better cuz the body can't get hurt that way. OH WAIT, YOU CAN GET HURT.  YOU CAN BECOME BLOODY NUTRIENT DEFICIENT.

But I am gonna get sick if I live that lifestyle. And I would hate to be sick again.

Dietary Need - The detailed version

Sooo my diet is fairly complicated. My doctor says I should be fully healed by October or November 2014. I'll be getting a test done in November to see if my body is still intolerant.
Oh, and a super important detail about Ulcerative Colitis -- every person who has it, deals with it differently in that there are different levels of severity and they are intolerant to different foods. And everyone thinks that they have the right answer. Except that there are many answers. Because every body handles it differently.

Here is the most basic food principle:

Make it as easy on the body as possible for the next year. For best results, the food needs to be in the most bioavailable form.

Second Principle:

Keep the colon in a state where it is not prone to inflammation. 

The things that create an inflammatory colon are grains, animal by-products and cruciferous vegetables.

According to my doctor, I am intolerant (not allergic) to fruit and anything derived from fruit, soy and anything derived from soy, and the combination of grain and sugar.
That's the simplest version.

The complications:

Fruit

I can have tomatoes and melons. But I can't have hardly any tomato sauce from the store because it often has olive oil, combining vinegar from grain and granulated sugar, citric acid, etc. There is this one brand from Trader Joe's though. I could make it but it's a lengthy process. And I spend enough time cooking.
So thank you, Universe.

Olives, avocados, bell peppers, cashews, nutmeg, and coconut are fruit, according to my doctor. I am intolerant to honey that is sourced from fruit trees. Fruit in some form is in processed/packaged food so that eliminates a lot of readily available food.

Soy

Anything derived from soybeans are out. Which cuts out a ton of processed food and most chocolate. Which is sad. Though I'm technically not supposed to be eating chocolate because it's a laxative but... It's delightful.

Soy products: tofu, edamame, a lot of miso, soy lecithin, soy protein, etc.

Grain and Sugar

Grains are inflammatory (apparently though I don't really know because I haven't made a study of it) so my doctor has said that I should have no more than 1/2 cup of grains per day. Grains include flax seeds, seame seeds, sunflower seeds, oats, quinoa, amaranth, and white rice (it's less fibrous which makes it easier on a tender colon). But no wheat or other grains. Wheat, in any amount, creates an inflamed digestive system for many people.

I made 1/2 cup of rice for dinner soon after talking to my doctor. I looked at my dinner of rice and sea weed and salt. It's a rather sad dinner with such a small portion of rice. So, in part because it is depressing, grain is not part of my usual diet.

I can combine some sugars with grains, like maple syrup, honey and stevia. But white sugar, brown sugar, or beet root sugar is not okay with grains. I don't really understand why.

If I consume grains, I have to be aware for the next 6 hours that I should not consume sugar. That is a hassle. And true, I do not have hardly any of the "bad sugars" regularly, but it still is another thing I would have to be aware of.

Other 

Cruciferous vegetables apparently create a sulfurous environment for people with ulcerative colitis. A sulfurous environment is inflammatory.

Animal products create a sulfurous environment. I don't know if that is true for all people. I can have 1 - 3 eggs a week, animal meat should not be consumed more than 2 times a week, and no dairy. Except small amounts of butter.

The result of eating fruit, soy, and grain+sugar

When I eat those things, it can trigger a flare-up. But it is not just the diet, it's also how much sleep I'm getting, how much stress I am managing (or not managing), how often and how much movement my body is getting. 

A flare-up can be debilitating. It can kill you but if you go see a doctor, they'll make sure that doesn't happen.

It's very difficult to function when you feel nauseous, abdominal pain, cramping, bones aching, low energy, lack of hemoglobin (carries oxygen to your brain) which makes it hard to think, and then everyone's all concerned that you're losing weight and you look pale and it's like

No, no, please, please don't be concerned. I'm concerned enough as it is. I'm doing what I can to get better. I don't need you to be concerned. I just want to feel normal and loved and to love you and yeah, I don't have much energy but this whole "being sick" thing is really boring every day and I just want to feel light and be around delightful people. And when you hug me, don't hold too tight, my body is tender.

Just create a space to nestle into and hold me and let me melt. 

I just want to breathe safe. Let me breathe.

Almond Meal Cereal's Creation Story

I haven't been breakfasting recently. What with the elimination of grains, limited eggs, and preparation food takes... I'm inclined to skip. But having an excess of almond meal does something to you. Feeling anxiety over wasted food helps too.

I left my bed this morning, frigid and hungry. Stared at my shelf lacking anything besides almond meal. And the thought process started a-rolling.
Well, I can eat almond meal readily enough. But I'm cold. Tea? Yes, I'll make some tea. 
Waiting for water to heat, I snacked on a bowl of almond meal. The handy-dandy hot water maker let me know it had done its magic.
Hot water? almond meal? 
So I tried it.
English Toffee Stevia? Cinnamon? and salt?
And Mmmm, it was delightful to a hungry girl. An actual hot cereal. Thank you Universe.

Things I'll try next time:
Heat it in a pot.
Almond milk instead of water.
Honey in addition to stevia.

Almond Meal Cereal
Ingredients:

boiling water

3/4 cup of toasted almond meal

2 tsp. cinnamon

pinch of salt

couple drops of stevia

Directions:
While the water is heating, mix the dry ingredients together. Pour the boiling water on the almond meal and stir, adding water until it is the consistency that you prefer. Add stevia.

Dietary needs - the simple version

I have Ulcerative Colitis. It's where you get ulcers in your colon. Every person who has Ulcerative Colitis deals with it differently and has different food intolerances. Here's a basic guide about my dietary needs.

This does not include the why's. This is the straightforward version containing what I can and cannot consume.
And all the caveats.

Simply put, I'm intolerant to fruit, soy and the combination of grain and sugar. I'll be eating this way for at least a year, maybe forever. I'm going to get tested again next year and I'll see what happens then. For now, culinary exploration is still underway.

The "No" list:

• Fruit and all products derived (including Vitamin A Palmitate, cashews, citric acid, honey that is sourced from fruit trees, olives, apple cider vinegar, coconut, bell peppers, avocados, nutmeg, fruit flavoring, peppers, pumpkin pie spice because it has nutmeg, etc)
• Soy and all products derived (e.g. soy sauce, soy protein, soy lecithin, tocopherol or vitamin E, semolina flour, canola or vegetable oil)
• Grains (e.g. corn, amaranth, sunflower seeds, quinoa, and the usual) 
• Cheese or cow's milk
• Peanuts
• Caffeine
• Coffee
• Alcohol

Moderated foods:

• Animal meat
• Eggs
• Butter
• Raw vegetables
• Cruciferous vegetables (e.g. kale, cabbage, brussels sprout, etc)

The "Unequivocally, Yes" list:

• Melons and tomatoes (for some reason, those fruits don't trigger a flareup)
• Cooked vegetables 
• Squash
• Sunflower, safflower, and nut oils
• Almond butter 
• Beans (not in their whole form)
• Sweeteners - Maple Syrup and Stevia
• Herbal tea 
• Rice vinegar

The "I don't know if these items are okay or not..."

• Chocolate or cacao nibs
• Sunflower oil combined with sugar (in a dish because it's grain and sugar)
• Vinegar derived from grain
• Whole beans
• Sausage
• Maltodextrin